For All Nails #147 - Sunday Morning Tea
by Dan McDonald (with thanks to Dave MB)
The vitavision tuner in the Governor-General's office was dialed to the 5 setting. Given the time, it was only natural...
- Vitavision transcript, NABC Burgoyne
A tea-table is surrounded by four silhouettes, one obviously female, and three obviously male. Two males on the left are leaning over toward each other, as if they are talking. The music of a string quartet is playing as the title card:
Sunday Morning Tea
appears over the silhouettes. A voiceover starts:
VOICEOVER
The North American Broadcasting Company presents, "Sunday Morning Tea," a forum for discussing events of the day and the issues surrounding them. In our studio in Burgoyne, we now join your hostess, Dame Judy Underwood.
The lights on the stage appear brighter. We see two older gentleman on the left. They are familiar with the setting, and appear comfortable. On the inner seat on the right, is Dame Judy, who appears a bit apprehensive. On her right is a younger man, who appears more apprehensive.
The woman is DAME JUDY UNDERWOOD, 58. She was one of the most experienced Family Law judges in the Northern Confederation. Ten years ago she stepped down to allow fresh views on the bench. Her skills, graciousness, willingness to help and encourage younger judges earned her a knighthood. NABC offered her a position as a legal analyst, and her popularity earned her a Sunday morning discussion show, up against the venerable Jeffrey Martin. FN1 Her abilities from family court to steer discussion in a positive manner allow her to field guests of radically different perspectives on at the same time. With Martin's retirement from vitavision in 1969, Sunday morning vitavision is associated with Dame Judy.
She is naturally apprehensive because of recent events.
DAME JUDY
The original topic of today's show was going to be a look back at the events of 1974. The shocking atrocity at Bali, however, and how it will affect the next agenda for the Grand Council, will be up for discussion today instead.
The man on my far right needs little introduction. He was Governor-General until this summer's abrupt special election, and leader of the People's Coalition until just last month. This is his first time on the programme, please welcome Carter Monaghan.
MONAGHAN
Thank you Dame Judy - it's my pleasure.
DAME JUDY
Next to him is Minister of Defence, and former Liberal councilman from Southern Vandalia, Trevor Freeman.
FREEMAN
I'm glad to be here again, Dame Judy.
DAME JUDY
On my right is a new voice of loyal opposition, and like Governor FN2 Monaghan, a first-time guest, Masonist Councilman Ryan Creighton-Young, of Manitoba.
Creighton-Young is very nervous.
CREIGHTON-YOUNG
Thank you, Dame Judy.
DAME JUDY
I'd like to start by sharing this political cartoon from Thursday's West North City Courier.
She holds up a blown-up editorial cartoon. It has the distinct style and signature of Terry Henning. It is set on a stove top, of all places, and has two main figures. On the left is a pot, with Vincent Mercator's face plus tiny spindly arms, and a very large mushroom cloud coming out of it. The spindly arms are pointing to a kettle on the right, with Carl Salazar's face and its own mushroom cloud coming out of the spout. The one-word caption below it reads: "Black!"
Mr. Henning's drawings quite bluntly point out that Vincent Mercator has set himself up as a power with an even deadlier type of bomb... this, M-bomb as the New York Herald called it.
My first question is: What will the government's position be when the Council reconvenes tomorrow, and will the Council debate any related motions?
CREIGHTON-YOUNG
Dame Judy, this new and even MORE destructive bomb simply underlines the point that James Volk has been making since he first published, "The Bomb Myth" seven years ago. We simply cannot engage in war anymore or we face the extermination of the entire human race.
We plan on introducing a resolution condemning Mercator as an enemy of peace, and proposing that we disclose to the world detailed information on anything our scientists know about such a bomb, so that we can continue the balance of power that has kept world peace for more than a decade.
FREEMAN
And while we do this, Vincent Mercator picks and blows up his next target. Mr. Creighton-Young, I agree that Mercator is an enemy of peace, but opening ourselves up like you propose is not only dangerous, but foolhardy.
I need not remind anyone present that this sort of naivete concerning sensitive information in the name of openness contributed to the Michigan City scandals of 1969. Those defections...
FREEMAN looks very sharply at the young Masonist.
... practically placed this new bomb right in Vincent Mercator's hands. I will actively discourage any revelations that will aid our enemies.
DAME JUDY
But the proverbial cat is already out of the proverbial bag, is it not, Mr. Minister?
FREEMAN
That does not mean we should let out the kittens also. There's a madman with superbombs, and possibly the support of his people...
MONAGHAN (interrupting)
Trevor, you know as well as I do that President Moctezuma has done everything but order the killing of Vincent Mercator since his impeachment scare back in November. The Mexican President is as ornery as a henhouse guard-dog...
FREEMAN (interrupting back)
Carter, I may be a city boy, but I do know how hard a henhouse guard-dog bites. We don't even know how the Mexican people feel about this. President Moctezuma may feel public pressure to blame us for this...
DAME JUDY (interrupting with authority)
Gentleman, while you're both showing what fine debaters the University of St. Louis FN3 produces, neither of you have answered my question about government positions and Council resolutions!
FREEMAN
The government is appalled by the senseless destruction of the Kramer facility in Bali. We will provide humanitarian aid...
He glances at Creighton-Young, knowing that this last bit is a bone to throw at the Masonists.
... and help in any manhunt of this criminal.
CREIGHTON-YOUNG
Why didn't you hunt Carl Salazar? Private firms threatening innocent people with mass destruction is hardly civilized.
MONAGHAN (with authority)
Carl Salazar stopped a war! Vincent Mercator may very well start it back up!
I believe my fellow Coalitionists will support the policies you've proposed, Mr. Minister. They will also remind the Governor-General that the Mexican government will want Mercator extradited back to them, and that good relations with our continental neighbors is crucial at this time of crisis.
FREEMAN
I wish your government had paid more attention to our neighbors. Perhaps Sen-yore Mercator would have been seen as a threat earlier on.
MONAGHAN
We are seeing reports that Mercator based most of his efforts not in Mexico, but in the United Empire's newest ally, the Kingdom of New Grenada.
I do hope this alliance, which the Liberal party made a cornerstone of last summer's campaign, doesn't draw our Confederation into a war down there.
CREIGHTON-YOUNG
We must join with our Mexican neighbors in investigating just how this event came to pass. I hope that any such investigation, however, will be free of the Liddy-like cloud of mystery that surrounded the Michigan City defection inquiries. And hopefully without the Starkist overtones of suspicion.
FREEMAN
I promise you, councilman, the suspicion isn't pointed at any members of your party.
DAME JUDY
Yes, I'm sure we all agree that Mercator must be apprehended. This leads me to my next question: Various Continental powers are equally upset by this. Will they take advantage of this situation, especially given both the German relationship with Boricua, and the recent alliance of the United Empire with New Grenada, to increase their presences in the Caribbean?
CREIGHTON-YOUNG
We should welcome the Continental powers, not only to the Caribbean, but to the peace table. This is an opportune time to lessen the tensions that could lead to war.
FREEMAN (astonished)
Councilman Creighton-Young, are you suggested we INVITE the hostile Germans, the increasingly alarming United Empire - Carter, you have a point there - and the enigmatic Scandinavians to float ships in what is probably the most contested body of water in the world? The Caribbean is the proverbial bottle, and there are already two scorpions in it!
MONAGHAN
Councilman, I would very much like to draw those powers to the peace table, but I think we have all the foreign presence we need in the Caribbean as it is.
FREEMAN
I will be asking the Governor-General to send the carrier group led by the HMNAS Ezra Gallivan to join the Winfield Scott group already patrolling the Georgia coast. We're concerned about any power or powers that might use this chaos as an opportunity for mischief.
CREIGHTON-YOUNG
Are you ready to spill more North American blood? Didn't we learn our lessons from Boricua?
MONAGHAN shakes his head in disgust. FREEMAN speaks first, however.
FREEMAN (sternly)
I rarely let a day go by without thinking of the lessons of Boricua, young man.
DAME JUDY
Mr. Minister, you are not admonishing a schoolboy. Mr. Creighton-Young is a duly elected member of the Grand Council. And I am personally wondering if we have learned the correct lessons from Boricua.
At this point, I believe we should each take a breath, as we let our sponsors talk for a bit.
The camera pulls back and we hear the string quartet (now obviously a recording) again. We CUT to dramatic music and a shot of JACK ELLISON at a podium speaking. We only hear the NARRATOR and the music, however.
NARRATOR
Tonight, on "NABC at Nine", we interview Kramerica President Jack Ellison on the Bali Situation...
Governor-General Lennart Skinner was angrily amazed. "Well I'll be good God-damned! She might just's well have fined them fifty pounds each for contempt o'court. Tucker, what time you got?"
"9:10, Governor-General," replied Chief of Staff Tucker Marshall.
"Ah think Dame Judy has just set herself a new national record for the quickest cut FN4 to an advertisement from a chat show. I'm beginnin' to wonder if I should've kept ol' Trev on his leash and sent you over to NABC to face the momma lion in her den."
"Trust me sir. We need to show strength at this point. Besides, he's really the only guy we got besides you who's not intimidated by Monaghan," replied Marshall calmly.
"Hell, Tucker, I'd be a damn sight more intimidated by ol' Judy Underwood myself!" Skinner chuckled, "USL debate team... makes sense, I spose," he paused, weighing something carefully. He continued speaking.
"You know, Ah haven't had Monaghan in here for a talk since just after the election, and he knows that sum'bitch Moctezuma better'n anyone..."
Forward to FAN #148: Happy New Year!
Forward to 1975: Mi Lucha.
Forward to CNA Politics: Uncle Torsten's Coon Dog.
Return to For All Nails.